This is kind of a blog post/journal entry today! It Sunday, May 8th, 2011 and that makes it Mother's Day. Today was a yucky day. Kind of cold, kind of damp. We woke up early despite being up LATE (we went to church last night and then was to a friend's house) and then around 11 I decided I had had enough. I made a bed for two on the floor in the living room, popped in Toy Story, and Colin and I had ourselves a little nap. Together.
That doesn't happen very often, so it was special. Very sweet. I'm so proud of the little boy that he is becoming. He has his moments but for the most part, he is a very sweet, funny, curious and sometimes mischievous little guy. He likes to cuddle, he likes to run, he likes to give kisses, he likes to 'shoot' his finger gun, he likes to jump. All those things wrapped up into one little package!
And I have been blessed to raise him (hence, the title of the post)! I was CHOSEN to be a mom and, most importantly, to be Colin's mom. This is my God-given mission. To love and nurture and raise up a little boy to love God with all of his heart. That's a hefty challenge! So often I fall short. I don't always pray with him or in front of him. I slip and let my sinful self get the best of me. But when we are weak, He is strong. By God's grace, not by my own efforts. And, so far, I can literally say, 'by God's grace'.
About a year or so ago, I discovered and devoured a book called 'The Mission of Motherhood' by Sally Clarkson. I only wish I had read it before I had Colin! Not that I missed out on anything, he is only two, but I really wish that I had had that perspective going in to motherhood. Of course, I have always wanted what is best for Colin and I've always worked VERY hard to provide for him and to give him the best, but this book really worked on my heart and made me realize that my heart may not have always been in the right place.
I was trying too hard to do it on my own. I was trying to raise up this little boy who would be 'good' and 'acceptable' by the world's standards. But that's not what matters! My only mission, as a mother, is to raise a son who loves the Lord his God with all of his heart, mind, body and soul:
"the mother who reaches the heartfelt needs of her children by helping them feel loved and secure, by believing in their dreams, by noticing when they stray and gently steering them back in the right direction, and by teaching them what they need to know to live FULL and MEANINGFUL LIVES accomplishes a great work for the LORD." (MOM pg. 14)
And that's truly ALL that matters. Today, for me, hasn't been about the flowers or the cards or the gifts. None of that matters. I have my gift! Instead, today has been a day of reflection. Examining my heart, and my dreams, for my little guy:
"I've learned that my influence on my children is limited only by the smallness of my dreams and my lack of commitment to the Lord and his purposes." (MOM pg. 16)
Happy Mother's Day to All! Enjoy the gift you have been given!